Monday, December 13, 2010

From Begining To End

Nothing needs to happen
Between you and I
As long as your are
Standing by my side

Amazing how you may
Live and still
Be in me

Your touch lingers on
Your kisses are still on my lips
Your eyes I follow on

I look beyond it all
Ask the dust to settle down
Put the saddle on my heart
But it keeps wild on

Amazing how excuses come and go
Live me and still
Be in me
Your touch I want for my own
Your kisses I imagine mine
Your eyes, you look on

I began to spell these words
As you lied down next to me
Now I end this
With you walking away from it all

Thursday, November 11, 2010

My answer to my Lover

Once you've asked me what was love? To be honest, that question got me off guard - I wasn't expecting it, especially because I always keep love in my heart.

To tell you what I think love is - to me, is like the many levels of fire! You can love always, everyone, without ever asking for anything in return. It is in this kind of love that I find the part of God that live within me, for that I know that I also live within Him.

And then there is that kind of love that runs deeper, comes from my soul that goes to my family - anyone who knows me well, knows that family to me is my Mother. And I'll tell you that this love is not recent, it comes many lives before - I know it! It is as if a soul recognized another, I see the warrior that lives inside and the spirit of the Great Mother in her, now and always.

But ever so often, there is this love that grows in my heart when I come across someone in my path proving me right in keeping my hopes alive! It is the kind of love that can last a lifetime or a short while, but like the other kinds of love it is important for my heart.

Still I hold inside for now this love that slowly grows, and if I could speak it out, I'd tell you that I love you, that I hold you dear, that I love your kindness and your ways. That I love your smile and the way you look at me, that I love your hands, that I love your heart.

We all get hurt at some time or another with the love that comes and the love that goes, but to me those have to happen in our story so that we may recognize when a good love - a great love, comes along. How else would recognize the right person?

I choose not to be afraid of getting hurt - even though I know that it might happen, or not at any point, but still I choose to live, and to do so I need to love.
I'd tell you also not to ask so much "what is?", running the risk of missing out on such an honorable feeling that feeds our being. Allow yourself still, a little bit more.

There is so much more love in me that I could describe, but instead I rather just say - I love everyone and everything, I love sincerely within my many "levels of love", I've chosen love without questioning it.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Lynyrd Skynyrd Once Said...

"Home is where the heart is, and my heart is home" - heard it once in a song. But should someone really be born to walk all over this earth, scattering a not so lonely heart as he walked on by, where would home be?

Never really had a hard time to settle in, blending was made for my skin - but only in the beginning... after a while I'll mark the new home with my own style.

But home, has been so many other places before, oh, how easy it is to betray home!

Now I sit here, I'm alone, feels hot, I am calm, all is ok. And really I don't mind, everything is alright.

There was a time when I used to feel guilty and afraid, but we walked together last night - I still don't know what that means. Not sure I want to figure it out at all.

A young couple sits across the room from me, I wonder if they know what "within thee" means. Within you, within me.

Not gonna try to hide the fact that I am still searching for home - there will be a place of peace and quiet, there will be love there, and it will be warm, and the ahrd times will come by - and the blue skies shall reign every time.

But until then I walk, wander this world, look out for the eyes that burn.

Monday, August 16, 2010

At Last We Met Once Again

I've seen into your eyes before
I'm sure
I've stood beside you a long time ago
I'm sure

We loved hard
And lived strong
Kept on going on
I know

You fought your battles
I raged my wars
Those times kept us apart
But here we are

You kissed my lips
And took me in
I dove in unaware
I'd find you there

Now I think of you everyday
Longing to find you along the way
Hoping you'll ask me to stay
- I still believe in love anyways.

Learn to Love: Social Suicide

Learn to Love: Social Suicide

Social Suicide

Woke up this morning
Decision made
I’ve slept on it, now
Just pull the trigger and walk away

Made arrangements
Destined to the next of kin
- Pull the plug now
It will quickly sink in

Staring at the cold hard corpse
It reveals a white canvas to me
And I’m still waiting for
Your response

Open up my history for all to see
- How I’ve changed
Just moments before

The taste of freedom is a bitter one
Wonder if I’m really all alone…
Is it all really gone?

The phone rings and
Allas, human voice –
It still speaks!

Relieved from my misery
I keep on living…
Back in touch – human
I believe.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Green Emeralds

She carries the family
Jewels with her,
Green emeralds
Near and above

She’s the treasure keeper
Never leaves it near
To those who might
Want to take it away

She keeps it on her
At all times, she knows
What she has, and is not
Willing to share

She won’t let you come
Near if she doesn’t know
You at all –

A true heart is what takes
For her to recognize – otherwise
She’ll jump and hide, playing
Shadows in the night!

Green Emeralds,
She keeps them on
Herself at all times

Sunshine makes the
Emeralds spark,
Sunshine reveals
She’ll leave her mark

Green emeralds
She carries them on her
At all times in her
Cat-like eyes.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Starting the Fight

Image by my friend Guz Schneider -
These are my wings

It's not about looking good, but feeling great!

On August 2nd 2009, my father passed away from health complications due to overweight. At the time of his death, he weighted 300kls/661lbs.

Five years before his passing, I was arriving in Porto Alegre, Brazil. My parents had just divorced each other, and since I am an only child I really didn't want to live at what I considered to be at the time my very own Gaza Strip: between crossfires!

I arrived August 2004, and immediately went after health insurance. I decided about living here and knew that I should get ready just in case something happened. That's when it all began! To get my contract going, they got all kinds of information about my health, and one of the things they analyze is obesity. Well, record shows that at the time my weight was 135kls/297lbs. I'm only 5"7inches/1,65m. That was bad, really bad news.

I was told to look for a doctor and see what was going on with me. I heard the doctor tell me that I was the very first 21 year old girl he'd ever met that was ready to get killed over at any moment because of the overweight. That hit me hard. I had no response - didn't laugh, cry, smile, get angry... I just stood there.

I came out of his office decided not to tell a soul about what had just happened. I've been in enough diets throughout the years to know that there is nothing worse than having people - skinny at most times - telling a "Heavy Set Person" things like: "don't you think you've had enough?", "isn't that your fifth piece of candy?" or "I thought you were on a diet...", as you hold in your hands a slice of your friend's birthday cake.

I joined a gym that was across my grandmother's house - I was living with my grandparents, my uncle and aunt along with their kids in a duplex while I looked for a place of my own. Every day, morning time I was in the gym, religiously! Morning time because almost no one came at that time, and most people at the house didn't see me coming in or out! I made myself go out at night every chance I had, even if it meant going out by myself. I got a full body mirror in my bedroom so to look at myself coming and going to the shower, especially when I got dressed. To look, is to admit.

I'd ask myself why should I care, or even love myself. I've been through already - my 25 years of age meant nothing near my 40 years of experience. There was a lot of recent bad experiences at the time, some good. Many times it got difficult to find a reason to just love myself. It is harder than one may think - to love yourself.

Thank God that it is ok to cry, and the best part of pillow talk is that 1) it doesn’t talk back to ya, 2) it knows how to keep all of your secrets!

Four months into living with my family and going to the gym regularly and I began to show some changes. I kept on wearing my regular clothes, kept on looking big. Only by the fifth month I got my own corner, and that is when the real running for me began.

A little later I got admitted to college, and I had to come out of the shell into a former social circle – no escapes. I exposed myself. During the first semester I was all about dark make-up, black or purple clothes, long purple hair or short black hair… piercings everywhere! I did scare a few off! And that’s what I wanted.I had found out recently that I was extremely overweight, and realized that people wouldn’t come to think of me in a more loving way because of the overweight –that got in my head because I put it there. So with that, it got easier to scare them off then to risk getting hurt.

By the time the second semester came around my hair was a chocolate brown, the makeup got reduced to lip gloss and maybe some mascara, the long pants gave in to skirts, and my need to scare became my need to laugh! I had officially become the funny heavy girl! Much lighter than before, but still very much on the heavy side.

I admit that I have been extremely lucky about my body type. I have a pretty curvy body, a generous bottom and big thighs. I never really looked my weight!

Still, it wasn’t enough! I was beginning to feel lighter, movement was being discovered! Muscles I’ve forgotten all about, and bones that I hadn’t seen in years were beginning to show up! I had to keep on. Over the course of the next three years, I watched my father get bigger and bigger. Whenever I’d try to get him to see how great I was doing, and that I’d help him do the same, he’d throw tantrums as a small child! Food was all he wanted. That sit with me for a while, and hearing that brought me to an important realization later on.

I went to a doctor after getting rid of the first 20kilos/44,9lbs. he told me that I was doing ok, but that I really shouldn’t lose over 1kilo/2,2lbs a week, and that for that I should go and see a nutritionist. Here comes the realization, something I stand for until today: why follow preset rules? Eat only what I was told for the duration of the diet, and then it is all over, I bake a brownie, have a piece and gain all of the weight back?! No way! I had to listen to my body! Take away the junk, eat normally and healthy, gradually eat less. Nowadays I eat all kinds of food, the sweets and candies are under control, but I just won’t get out of the 90-95kilos/198 - 209lbs., my genetics won’t let me go! My body has learned how to stay heavy, and doesn’t want to unlearn it.

Lyrics to a Song

Here's a little joke... a game if you will.
After hearing about a conversation my mother had, I felt
like playing a little with song titles!

Here's a little poem, I mean what I say, and say what I mean, it's
all about mom! - it was written with song titles from the bands I
enjoy the most!
I wonder if you can identify the songs and the name of the
bands! If you really know me, this should be a piece of cake!

There are 25 songs to 25 different bands - They Do Not Repeat!

Lyrics To A Song

She's my Mustang Sally,
Was born to be wild, and
Doesn't care if she starts
A blind revolution mad.

She gives me something to
Believe in, blowin' in the wind
What I've done, oh won't
She have mercy on me?

Paradise City, that's where I
Want to go, with or without you,
At sunrise, I don't care if
It's hot or cold.

Blind faith is all we got
For a killer Queen that
Can fly me to the Moon,
I'm really not the fortunate son...

Got a night fever that has
Me crazy, and still there
Are 50 ways to leave
Your lover.

In a minor heaven we met,
and you told me "give
them hell kid",
that I did!

Start Something, shout it
Out, and you'll see the
Running man, someday you'll
Be homecoming.

Forever you'll be
Day tripper, and I'll
Be standing here,
Open arms for you.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Women Within

Mary Madagdalene

Half Lady

The Vilain

Early Days - Art Work

A testament to my pacience...

A mold made to become a decorative tile

Lotus Flower tattoo for a friend!

My Heart

My Heart

Heart, go afar
And tell him
That I love him…
Show him the road to me

Intense feelings are these
Found in me
And life without him
Will have no meaning or
Reason to be

Heart, go! And tell him that
Tomorrow will not come,
That today the
Heart is weak and
All goes on senselessly

Look up to the sky and tell
Of the stars, the story
About her eyes;
Show him the lonesome
Dreams of a poet

Dreams of words,
Words of love,
That today
Are a song to sing

Go, My Heart! Your
Rhythm will take you
To him, come back only
In his arms, with love to be

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I've Been So Colorfull Lately...

These are some of my latest works...
You'll probably notice some repeating pattern... haha!

But I have been feeling so happy that everything has turned
into flowers and colors, the cat came from my actual cat - Lady Yuna or
Yunie for the most familiar!

Anyways, I hope that you enjoy, and as soon as I get more organized,
I'll register my other works here.


I miss your fingers
Learning my body,
Your tongue in
My mouth and,
Your all invading
My being

Hold me
To feel you,
Love me
To kiss you,
Kiss me
To taste you

Maybe that’s the way
We have to find if
It is true, that we loved
Each other at first sight

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Walk With a Purpose

That is what I heard every day while going to my classes from my high school teachers. They would shout “walk with a purpose” to get us to go to class, and stop hanging out in the halls.
That was when I lived in Florida, years later I moved to Brazil, and while walking around my college campus – frantic to get everything done – I caught myself saying over and over in my head: walk with a purpose!
Now those words, repeated so many times, come into play every time I stop to think about my very own life.
My father brought me up to believe that we should live to make money, become rich, and live comfortably and have great cars. Many thought that he was merely preparing me to keep the family business on in the future, but it was much worse than that.
It took me some time to find out that what he was trying to get into me, into the person I am, is that it was the biggest bag of crap anyone had ever tried to drill into me! The interesting part is that I came to learn my lesson after I moved away and was left with nothing at all.
After my father passed away, all he had was taken away from me. Sure, I fought for it all, I went after everything that was taken from me. While I was doing that I began to get sick, mind splitting migraines almost 4 times a week, every week. I didn’t eat anymore, I didn’t sleep.
Do I go after it all, or do I leave it all behind? Those words came back… walk with a purpose. I am telling you all of this because up till then, I went to college, got good grades, worked out as many ideas as I could, but then reality hit me and I ended up having to make a decision that was entirely mine: do I live happily with much less, or do I die fighting sadly for much more?
I figured that what happened to me was a good thing. I wasn’t ready to receive such an inheritance. I had to come full circle in life to see how much happier I am today. I grew up having everything – from the house to the car, I had my share of fake friendships, and people taking away the privacy from my family because of what we had.
I’m not saying that I wont reach for the stars, but I’m saying that I want enough, not too much, not too little. Just enough, enough to be happy and live as full as a life as God wants me to.
Now I dedicate my time to the arts, I am creating and expanding my views like never before! I found out that more than gold, I want the love and fidelity of a man, and the birth of my family.
You see, it is never the destination, but the journey to the destination that shows us who we really are; that is why you should always walk with a purpose.

Friday, May 28, 2010

My First Words

Hello to all, and welcome to my blog!

The idea behind this space, is to promote great news only, make us
stop a while everyday and see all the good and beauty that there is
in the world!

Yes, I will debate certain things that makes others at least uncomfortable,
but hey!, nothing's perfect!

For now, I will be posting my own poetry and random thoughts, should you
have any ideas go ahead and share!

Been thinking about all that
I may take with me from life,
And so I begin to question myself
If it's really all worth so much fighting

Been wondering about what's true
And the difference of a lie,
But still I havent got an answer
To the question why

With all that I have been seeking
A new light,
A way so that I wont run or hide,
But face these fears that afront my mind

Take this world and separate it from the heart
That grows cold and dark,
In which no spirit may survive.

No one has ever stepped into this land,
And no one will ever pick it's prey
But separate it from the heart that all that is
May be in vain

After all, have we forgotten,
Where did we all come from?